Posted on: January 30th, 2010 Sm@ll But Obvious Differences

by Gary Cuba

Mr. Rolfson, our l@test @dmission @t the St@te Hospit@l, continues to exhibit violent, potenti@lly self-destructive beh@vior. The roots of his ment@l imb@l@nce @re unknown; nothing useful @ppe@rs in the me@ger c@se file th@t @ccomp@nied him–only th@t he w@s picked up by the police for drunk @nd disorderly conduct. He insists th@t he’s been “displ@ced from @nother universe” @nd w@nts to return there. @s ne@r @s we c@n interpret his r@vings, he cl@ims th@t sm@ll but obvious differences drew him to this conclusion. The ex@mples he offered were nonsensic@l, utter gibberish. I’ve prescribed b@rbitur@tes for the present, until we c@n schedule him for prefront@l lobotomy.

Filed under: bad-ass, stories | 5 Comments »

Posted on: January 16th, 2010 My Corrosive Angel

by Mark Mills

Yes, she was beautiful but her breasts were corrosive. Wood warped, metal turned to rust, stone broke down to sand—nothing exposed to them could stand. When she danced at the Blind Fox Grill, the beer taps flaked away and the pole crumbled before the next girl took the stage.

“She’s an incarnation of Kali, goddess of sex and murder,” an old man said, stuffing a two-dollar bill in her G-string.

“Fool,” I spat. “She’s an angel.”

“Well,” he replied, wiping red-brown flakes from his wrist. “Your angel just melted my watchband.”

Angel or demon, she never stayed at the same club for long. True, she drew the crowds, but that couldn’t make up for the property damages. I sought her in the streets but nobody knew her address, nobody knew where she hailed from. After work she squeezed into thick metallic chestplates that blackened and smoldered after a few hours, but even with such a clue to work with, I could never track her.

She was alone: her breasts an unforgiving wall around her heart. One morning during rush hour, she stripped to the waist on the Golden Gate Bridge. Three dozen commuters tumbled down with her, their cars dissolved before hitting the water. Now they all vilify her, they curse her, they sow all kinds of hate about her but I know better. I have looked beyond her breasts to a vista unseen by other men.

I now begin each day by descending in my bathysphere, searching for that tell-tale cloud of hazy, corrupted water. Each day I follow her path across the sea floor as it leads me farther and farther into the deep, where the sunlight never reaches, where the fish have neither eyes nor color. I sink lower with each expedition, knowing that one day we will be together, that not even the greatest of walls is insurmountable, and that of all things gold does not corrode.

Filed under: bad-ass, stories | Comments Off

Posted on: January 3rd, 2010 Folio Chat Log #1623

by Hollan Lane

ScottishKing: I must depart anon. Unfriendly men crowd

my gates.

Pr05per0: An’ it pleases you.

ScottishKing: Should my lady seek me here, tell her of the

foe we face.

Pr05per0: Verily.

(ScottishKing logged off)

(Hal_23 logged on)

Pr05per0: Good morrow, my prince.

Hal_23: Good morrow. Thinkest thou I am thy prince?

Pr05per0: Wherefore would thou not never be my prince?

Hal_23: I cry you mercy! I speak in jest.

Pr05per0: It is by your mercy I do abide.

Hal_23: Speakest thou always with so straight a tongue?

Pr05per0: Wouldest like thou my tongue were crooked?

Hal_23: It liketh me not. Speak freely. Use thy

tongue in the manner God did intend.

Pr05per0: An’ it pleases you.

Hal_23: It pleaseth me well enough. Where art thou?

Pr05per0: An island on all sides surrounded by fens. . .

Hal_23: Jest not! Mine sides ache with merry making!

Pr05per0: Ho! Sits the wind in that quarter?

Hal_23: Thy mind is cluttered! Cleanse it or leave my

eminent person.

Pr05per0: Verily, verily. It is cleansed! I abide on an

isle of foul beasts, devils and spirits.

(Honourable_Man logged on)

Hal_23: An’ it like you?

Pr05per0: The beasts, devils and spirits liketh me well


Honourable_Man: Widowed, I am and seek the comfort of a

skillful wench.

Hal_23: Wise men to the devil depart . . .

Pr05per0: Hades liketh me not. Mine books are burn’d. Mine

soul cries mercy of the Lord.

Hal_23: An’ the Lord dost give it?

Honourable_Man: Dost a skillful wench abide within?

Pr05per0: I know not. Time of such making escapes my


Hal_23: Thou willest catch it one day.

Pr05per0: Better in’t catch me.

Hal_23: Dost not matter who begins such a duel. Tis thou

wilt lose’t.

Pr05per0: Tis a duel all men of dust and spirit must lose.

(Honourable_Man logged off)

Hal_23: Verily.

(DrowningGirl logged on)

DrowningGirl: Good morrow, wizard. Good morrow, prince.

Pr05per0: Wizard liketh me not. Mine books are burned.

Hal_23: Good morrow, lady.

DrowningGirl: My mind liketh me not. Such ghouls do live

in’t that Hades seems a land of light and angels.

($$$Lender logged on)

Hal_23: Such sorrow! May I attend?

DrowningGirl: Attend me not, my lord. My lover spent a

fortnight pondering his father’s death.

$$$Lender: Needful of fish bait? 300 ducats for one part a


Pr05per0: He thinks too much; such men are dangerous.

DrowningGirl: An’now his hands doth drip with the blood of

mine own father.

Hal_23: What knave is this?

$$$Lender: Ask for Antonio tomorrow you shall find him a

grave man.

DrowningGirl: His name matters not.

Pr05per0: The devil damn him black!

DrowningGirl: No, my lord. Rain not damnation on his head.

I cry you mercy! I must depart.

Hal_23: Dear lady, depart not!

DrowningGirl: Adieu, my lords. A fountain awaits. . .

(DrowningGirl logged off)

($$$Lender logged off)

Hal_23: Lady! Lady! She hath gone to commit some terrible

act, I fear.

Pr05per0: Verily. An’ not we can do wilt stop her.

Hal_23: Our revels now are ended.

Pr05per0: An’ the rain it raineth every day. Look up, mine

prince. The sun doth break the clouds.

Hal_23: Oh aye.

(ScottishKingLover logged on.)

ScottishKingLover: My lord? Where art thou, my lord? Spot,

be gone!

Pr05per0: The lord you seekest hast depart’d to face an

enemy at the gates.

Hal_23: So close?

Pr05per0: Aye. Usurping liketh him not.

ScottishKingLover: My lord’s hand’s stained as mine own!

Hal_23: It liketh not my father, either.

Pr05per0: Touché.

ScottishKingLover: My lord engages the enemy on our


Pr05per0: Of a certainty.

ScottishKingLover: I shall seek him out yonder window and

return anon.

(Network down 16:24)

(Reconnecting 16:32)

Hal_23: Good sir, thou hast returned?

Pr05per0: Verily, my prince. Where art the lady?

Hal_23: Perhaps the window liketh her not.

Filed under: bad-ass, stories | 4 Comments »